How does it feel to have written an entire novel?

Absolutely. Freaking. Awesome.

What are your thoughts right now?

No one, ever, in the world, has ever felt how awesome it is to write a whole novel. No one.

Are you sure? There’s an awful lot of novels—

No one.

Oh.

Yeah. That’s right.

So how long has it taken you to complete this book?

Well, the whole idea sort of came about last October [2011] or so; in November [2011] I really started putting together a lot of the backstory, the history of Erâth, things like that. The actual story itself – I started it in late January [2012], a sort of delayed New Year’s resolution.

So how awesome is this book?

Really awesome.

Really?

No. It’s really, really awesome.

Um. Have you had any reviews so far?

No.

Has anyone read it?

No.

Right then.

[Pause]

Can you give a summary of what the story’s about, then?

No. You’ll just have to read it and find out – that’s how awesome it is. It’s so awesome, there’s no way to summarize it; it would just completely blow your mind, like right out of the back of your head.

Wow. That does sound awesome. Well how about letting us know the kind of story? Is it long, is it short? Will we be breezing through it in a weekend, or will it take the rest of the year to complete?

Ah, well that’s a bit of a loaded question. You see, the book is so incredibly awesome, some people won’t be able to put it down. However, some people just won’t be able to cope with its ultimate awesomeness, and might have to take it in small doses. So take it easy. Plus, you’ll want to read it and reread it, over and over again. That’s how awesome it is.

Oh. So…how long is it again?

Oh, so you’re asking for specifics. Well, personally I always feel like the length of a story doesn’t matter – it’s the story itself that counts.

109,696 words

25 chapters

439 pages

590,547 characters (not including spaces)

6 months

492 cups of coffee

Wow – that’s pretty intense. It’s not as long as The Deathly Hallows.

Shut up.

So when will this book be available to buy?

Ah-ha, interesting you should ask. I don’t know.

Really?

Well…as a minor point of fact, it’s only in its first draft at the moment. I still need to go through it, fix the bugs, smooth out the plot, etc. But it’s still awesome.

So…we really have no idea about this book at all yet.

Yeah, but it’s awesome. I mean, if it’s this awesome now, just think how incredibly mind-blowingly stupendously ridiculously awesome it’ll be when it’s finished.

So you have high hopes?

I am going to be more famous than King, Tolkien and that other guy who wrote a book about wheels put together. People will bow down and worship me. You can start practicing now, if you like.

Okay…we’ll keep in touch. Have a great day, now.

Bow down before me and my awesomeness!

[Awkward silence]

Yeah; in truth, I’m pretty damn stoked. Yeah!

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8 thoughts on “How does it feel to have written an entire novel?

  1. That was pretty funny, but writing the book is only half the battle. Editing is an art form on it’s own, but if I can whittle me masterpiece from 125,000 word (which no agent or publisher would ever consider) to 95,000 words so can you. Get out your favorite hack saw. It’s time to start chopping off arms! My first recommendation is getting rid of repetitive phrases. If you like to say things more than once but in different ways that will chop off a ton of extra words. Happy editing!

    • Ah, what sage and sound advice! Killing a quarter of your book must be terrifying! You see, I quite specifically wrote the book so that each chapter could be read aloud in about 30 minutes, as this is the time spent each night reading to my son. Still, that much is over; we will see where it leads. 100,000 words was my target, so I’m fairly pleased with it. I am a fan of conciseness, but not at the expense of language or story. Repetitive phrases are first to go, however!

  2. I wrote most of my novel, and then decided at the end that really, I want to split it into like, six shorter books. So I’m in the process of slowing down the pace of the first one…which feels like the right thing to do, and I agree that there is SUCH a high feeling of finishing, and then sometimes, you realize that one big ending equaled about six more beginnings and endings…but it’s still a priceless process 🙂

  3. This is AWESOME! TOTALLY AWESOME!
    Did you take too many happy pills today!!
    Congrats – it’s good to hear your light hearted happiness. ♡😊😊

    • Thank you, thank you so much! It feels awesome. I’m taking a break, but I can’t wait to sit down and read it cover to cover, just like (gasp) a real book!

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